Yeah I don't know anymore.

I really don't understand anything about men.

Maybe I should go be a nun.

that is all.

Sorrow

My best friend gave birth to her daughter this morning. She was stillborn. My heart is broken for her and her husband.

I feel like baby Rachel would have been my like own niece, as Sarah is like my sister. I'm having a hard time accepting the news, after watching how happy they were, helping them get the nursery finished, knowing that the baby would have been a huge part of my life......i just feel like they have been screwed over above an beyond.

Oh how life changes.

In the past two weeks, I have-

1. Had friends throw up and pass out in my bathroom

2. Had myself throw up and pass out in my bathroom. (btw, the bathroom now has the title, "The Almost Bathroom", because everyone gets to the bathroom...but nothing makes it into the toliet during a drunken moment)

3. Called the police on my neighbors....twice in less than a week.

4. Wandered around campus like a fool....but have finally found my way and no longer a newbie.

5. Stood up to my mom.

6. Went to 5 points and hung out for the first time

7. Discovered that the smoothies from The Russell House......are amazing.

8. Hung up on someone for the first time ever. Supposed friends act arrogent, vague and rude.....my temper can't handle that anymore. So tired of silly people who want to take all of their self absorbed personal issues and try to make it look like it's YOUR fault. Well it's not MY fault that you are an asshole....that's YOUR fault. So don't blame me or try to make me feel bad. I'm done with you anyway....no respect for you.

9. Bought groceries for the first time....on my own, for myself, nobody else.

10. Made epic French Onion Chicken recipe.

11. On the drunken night of our first party....found it most necessary to sit in the kitchen sink. And Mission accomplished. I was successful.

Anyway......classes are amazing. I really think that i am in love with USC, and i haven't even discovered anything but the basic campus area.

I find myself very interested in "Hotstuff"....as we like to call him.....and it's probably not a good idea, but i can't help it. He's older, he's got a house..........he's really cool.

Oh and I'm looking at an internship with the FBI. That means...6 months in Washington D.C.

that's the news for now.......time for sleep. I AM SCHWEEPY.

Life living downtown.

Finally got the apartment totally situated. Can't believe we've already been living here three weeks now.

I've figured out the best shuttle routes from the apartment complex. One route drops me off directly in front of my 8am class on Tues/Thurs. Monday/Wednesday/Friday, it drops me off at the Horseshoe and I walk a couple of blocks. That's the best one I could find for my classes on those days.

A good friend of mine from my old job is in one of my Criminology courses. It'll be good to have someone to study with. The class should be easy. So far I'm pretty excited about all my classes. Out of 4 classes, I only have 2 papers to write for the whole semester. Not bad at all.

I signed up for 3 different fitness classes and a yoga class over at Strom. I signed up for BalletCore, Cycling, Zumba and then the yoga. I need stuff to do on breaks and on nights that I'm off, but my roomie works. Plus I've already lost a little bit of weight, but I want to loose about 10 to 15 more pounds. My roommate is taking classes too, but we will only take one yoga class together.

We wanna be BAMFS......haha.

We had to call the police on the apartment above us a few nights ago. They were being wild as hell at 3am.....wouldn't stop. The cops actually busted them, so we believe, for underage drinking and what not. We tried to get them to quiet down ourselves, but they told us to fuck off.....so the city got a call.

Anyway, nap time. 8am classes are a pain.

Life on my own.

I've been in the apartment for almost two weeks now. I love it. I love my roommate, I love the peace and the quiet. I don't like being so short on money, but honestly it is well worth it. I've been cooking like crazy, haven't eaten out or consumed any fast food in two weeks or longer.

We shopped all the sale papers. It was actually kinda fun.

Getting ready for school to start hasn't been easy. I wouldn't have even gotten to go if it weren't for my grandparents cutting a check. My loan hasn't gone through yet, because my parents won't cosign it for me. Or well, my mom won't cosign it. It's really stressful, however I am starting on Monday and I still have to figure out books. I hope I can find some cheap book rentals.

It's really bizarre how everything is starting so fresh. All new friends. All new life. I really needed it. Plus I've been getting closer with my old friends from Lowes. Which has been great.

The friend I'm talking too......the guy friend.......ughhhhh he's so cool and nice.

(That sounded silly).

But i just don't know what to do with myself around him.

Anyway....life is decent, life is good. Just a broke, college student paving my way.

What 2010 taught me.

Just F.Y.I.- I am loving life right now. Love my roommate, love my apartment, love downtown life.

2010 taught me how to buck up. January through February taught me how to deal with my first real heartbreak. It taught me how easy it is to get attached to someone, and how hard it is to let them go. But eventually you do let them go, and when you actually do- Damn, is it liberating.

It taught me how to channel that energy of the broken heart and get a 3.8 GPA during that spring semester. I also changed jobs (I left my secretary job), went to Lowes, learned how to sell tools. I met some amazing friends there, who I've kept now that I'm at Bed Bath and Beyond. I actually see them more now, then I did when i worked at Lowes.

March through May brought me closer to certain people in my life. It was awesome for the time being, but by early summer, I soon realized who were my real friends and who were not. I learned that most guys want to play with your mind. They make you think certain things, so they can have some entertainment. I learned a hard lesson for sure with that topic.

You could certainly say, certain idiots in my life pretty much ruined my attempt at a decent summer this year. But life is a bitch sometimes, and so are people. I've learned (thanks to 2010), to let go what I can't control and to not worry about the wastes of air who try to ruin my day.

Over the summer, I learned to overcome my fear of my mom. I love her, but sometimes she scares me. Things were very tense in my home over the summer and early fall, and it drove me to find an apartment and just put a lease down, without discussing it with my parents. It was a good thing to do, and they took it very well.

So 2010, may have sucked a little. But I learned ALOT. I learned how to deal with heartbreak and anger. I gained my independence. I have a new apartment and a new job (well sort of new, i've been there 3 months).

2011, from what i can tell, is going to have major highs and lows (lows more so...financially). It's all about myself and my roommate surviving college/downtown life on our own. Juggling jobs and classes, friends/boyfriends.

Should be interesting. Bring it ON!